// *********************************************** // // // // // // *********************************************** function text() { }; text = new text(); number = 0; // textArray text[number++] ="OK, so what's the speed of dark?" text[number++] ="Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm." text[number++] ="When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane." text[number++] ="Hard work pays off in the future.  Laziness pays off now." text[number++] ="Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have film." text[number++] ="Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark." text[number++] ="Many people quit looking for work when they find a job." text[number++] ="I intend to live forever — so far, so good." text[number++] ="Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." text[number++] ="When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded." text[number++] ="What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" text[number++] ="I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out." text[number++] ="I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." text[number++] ="If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." text[number++] ="Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it." text[number++] ="For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism." text[number++] ="No one is listening until you make a mistake." text[number++] ="Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view." text[number++] ="The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it." text[number++] ="The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread." text[number++] ="The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach." text[number++] ="The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard." text[number++] ="Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life." text[number++] ="The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up." text[number++] ="A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory." text[number++] ="Angels fly, because they take themselves lightly." text[number++] ="Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow." text[number++] ="If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments." text[number++] ="Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks." text[number++] ="Borrow money from pessimists — they don't expect it back." text[number++] ="99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name." text[number++] ="To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism — to steal from many is research." text[number++] ="The best revenge is living well." text[number++] ="Time flies when you don't know what you're doing." text[number++] ="If you are what you eat, then I'm fast, cheap, and easy." text[number++] ="If voting could really change things, it would be illegal." text[number++] ="Time wounds all heels." text[number++] ="Don't vote for anyone; it only encourages them." text[number++] ="If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?" text[number++] ="We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like? - Jean Cocteau" text[number++] ="You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. - Robin Williams" text[number++] ="When the solution is simple, God is answering. - Albert Einstein" text[number++] ="If you're not using your smile, you're like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook. - Les Giblin" text[number++] ="Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. - Fred Astaire" text[number++] ="When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. - Helen Keller" text[number++] ="The most difficult thing I have ever had to do is follow the guidance I prayed for. - Albert Schweitzer" text[number++] ="Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth... Tame the dragon and the gift is yours. - Noela Evans" text[number++] ="Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. - Howard Aiken" text[number++] ="Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck" text[number++] ="Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night. - Philip K. Dick" text[number++] ="A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. - Patricia Neal" text[number++] ="A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains. - Dutch proverb" text[number++] ="They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. - Andy Warhol" text[number++] ="People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have. - Anne Tyler" text[number++] ="The man who has confidence in himself gains the confidence of others. - Hasidic saying" text[number++] ="Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth. - Charles A. Dana" text[number++] ="The fates guide those who go willingly; those who do not, they drag. - Latin writer Seneca" text[number++] ="Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it. - Cullen Hightower" text[number++] ="Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe" text[number++] ="The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. - Elbert Hubbard" text[number++] ="You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. - Anonymous" text[number++] ="I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected." text[number++] ="Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference." // keep adding items here... function saying() { increment = Math.floor(Math.random() * number); document.write(text[increment]); }